Farewell?

I can feel you, you know, you are not gone.

Like before, when you were an idea in my head.

Now again, you have that place.

There is the creeping, and peeping from the edges

Of my solitary social life.

There is the quiet exultation in my little bits of living that I get done.

Not much has changed except the words between us-

Before they were innumerable, now they are numberless.

Before they were loud and proud, now they’re a whisper, almost a secret.

You wouldn’t enter my life again, but for an idea.

Perhaps there is a defeat in learning to respect myself.

Perhaps there is victory.

But I am still alone. Not all alone. I have an idea. An idea of you.

A glimpse into the history of Tamil language

Any person who is familiar with Tamil as a language and a culture would tell you, how long and complex the literature of Tamil Nadu is. Though Tamil is the mother of many southern languages, over the years, distinct languages have taken birth out of her, just as Tamil herself has undergone changes evolving and taking on words from other languages and sometimes remaining pure and excluding influence just as its sister language of Sanskrit in the north. Together both these languages are the oldest ones, with Tamil remaining the one which is still spoken and written. If one traces the origin of this language in its written form, then we would go on a journey thousands of years ago, to the texts which first recorded the script. Sage Agastya is considered to be the father of Tamil language who created the first comprehensive dictionary of words as well as the text of Siddha medicine which is the indigenous system of medicine entirely based on locally available herbs and produce in the Tamil forests. The classic text of Tolkappiyam served as the grammar text then which is dated to the Sangam golden era of Tamil literature between 1^st century BC and 4^th century A.D. However poetry and literature are certainly known to precede a grammar text and are claimed to have existed several millennia before Tolkappiyam.

Land was divided into five parts and ruled by three dynasties of rulers – Chera, Chola and Pandyas who were good administrators and patrons of literature, architecture and art. Elected local chieftains existed under the kings whose strength and sense of justice was responsible for holding much of the kingdoms together. In terms of conquering land, one of the Tamil rulers was named the “conqueror of Ganga” for his victories in the north. Well known poets included Elangovadigal, Thiruvalluvar and Auvaiyyar in the period of the flourishing of these dynasties. The first poet was known as the author of one the five major epics of Tamil literature – chilapathikaaram which is a poetic tale of a husband and wife whose lives span across the three kingdoms with rich descriptions of the prosperity of the land and the keen sense of justice of the ruler who upon realizing his mistake gave up his life in place of the one he had taken. Apart from traditions of the followers of Shiva and Vishnu, the religious influences of Jainism can be seen in the text of Manimegalai which is also another epic out of the major five called Aimperumkappiyangal.

Thiruvalluvar’s merit is mostly appreciated in the precision and wisdom of his pithy couplets composed which total up to 1330 spread across three sections of 133 chapters with ten couplets each about Aram– or way of living righteously, Porul – way of earning material prosperity, and Inbam - way of achieving success and enjoyment. This collection of poetry is called Thirukkural. Today, a statue of 133 feet in height of this poet bard can be found in Kanyakumari at the southern-most tip of the state which incidentally saved a lot of people when Tsunami struck in 2006.

"The mark of wisdom is to discern the truth from whatever source it is heard." - (Tirukkural)

The next important development for the literature of this language is the rise of the Bhakti movement which gave birth to saints Kabir and Namdev in the north as it made a host of Tamil poets popular among the masses in the name of Shaiva and Vaishnava traditions such as Andal, Nammalvaar, Thirunavukkarasar, Njanasambandhar and Sundarar amongst others. Their work is seen in two major texts of Thevaaram, Thiruvampavai and Thiruvasakam of Shaiva tradition, and Divyaprabandham and Thiruppavai of the Vaishnava tradition.

The international relations with the Tamil people involve Christian missionaries who learnt the language and translated stories from the life of Christ, and older texts indicate a flourishing trading route between Tamil hinterlands and Greece, Rome and beyond which captured in the older epics of Tamil literature.

The social movements of contemporary times whether it is that of Bharathiyaar and Bharatidasan during the freedom struggle of India or that of Periyaar who was a social reformer, the leader of the Dravida Kazhaga movement for the empowerment of oppressed castes, conservation of the Tamil language against being overtaken by other languages of the north, against superstitions and so on. He also changed the script of Tamil language and influenced the masses through his writings in the newspaper which he published.

It is from these varied literary traditions that the politics and cinema of this land have also been influenced and Tamil has sustained itself in the homes of rich and poor alike.

Food, philosophy and Marco Pierre White

Let me say this upfront, I’m not a cook/chef/foodie or even a food blogger. I like reading about people’s experiences, and usually they are pleasant with food. There have been movies which transform food or cooking into a life changing element in people’s lives. Movies such as Julie & Julia, No reservations, Chef and so on. I haven’t had anything as major. Yet.

This time I returned home after two years of my education in the amazing city of Bombay with whom I had fallen in love utterly. Sometimes when I read what I wrote for my love for Delhi quite a few years back, it now feels like a betrayal. But nevertheless, like a seasoned lover or master, Delhi has quite forgiven me now, it hasn’t driven me crazy or punished me like it used to punish the poets of yore like Meer Taqi Meer by driving me into starvation, depriving me of patrons. Yet.

So when I came home from battle and betrayal, losing my heart to Bombay, it simply put me on house arrest and cranked up the heat to slowly boil me in her heat. I accepted it gracefully, by surrendering to a decadent and flawless laziness which involved cooking, eating, reading, watching and sleeping, sometimes writing. No talking to friends and compatriots from Delhi who did not know the transformation of my battered self, nobody got to know of the lessons learnt.

So while binge watching and binge eating to make myself whole again, I came across the sinful pleasure of Masterchef. Wow, the best of the best talking, making and eating the best of the food. The one guy that takes the cake and who surprised me through it all was Monsieur Marco Pierre White. The guy who terrifies and pushes the cooks to go beyond their limits and give the food that extra soul which makes it heavenly. Suddenly amidst the crushing of the garlic and the marinating of the chicken, there is life advice! His advice though was every bit as relevant to me who was watching as to the chefs cooking under him. He says, to a person who worked very hard but had to leave the show in elimination, “It is very easy to beat yourself up, I did it for years! What you need to do is to pick yourself up. Because what is inside of you (talent/skill) has to come out. You have a responsibility unto yourself. You have to learn from each mistake, and from every fall, everyday.”

And just like that, I forgave myself for all that I thought I had done wrong in the past months, the stress and the setbacks and the crashing and burning which had made me nothing less than a warrior. Success and achievements were there, hiding under the shell shock of what life had brought me. The external appearances I had to put up for normalcy had finally crumbled in the privacy of my own room, as I took deep breaths to tell myself, you made it back alive, stronger. Back from the little ways you hurt yourself and let others hurt you, back from holding back your pain, anger and frustration.

And so this month I healed, I started painting, coloring, writing, reading and cooking again as I used to in childhood, realizing the great privilege in being able to take that time out for myself again. Colors, flavors and words became friends again. From a point where staying alone by myself had become a burden and stressful, I started enjoying my solitude once again. I’m very happy to say to myself now, I’m still here, I haven’t lost myself like I thought. And surprisingly I am happy and content. The fears of everything going wrong and panic of not having done everything that I am supposed to be doing is slowly fading away as I take one step at a time. I say to myself, even if I don’t know where I am going from this point onwards, I will be able to make a life for myself and take care of my responsibilities as well.

The rule that Marco’s words highlighted both about life and food was to keep it simple.

And so I am. So, I cooked for my mother’s birthday for which my friend had come over. It was a very simple pasta, lovingly prepared, over a much needed conversation with a dear friend. And three of us sat down after a wonderful movie and ate it up. It was sheer pleasure. Here is the picture of how that went.